True love knows no boundaries or obstacles. A flap of Cupid's wings, arrows in two hearts, and the deed is done - a man and a woman are in love. But let's put aside romantic ideas about love and look at the essence of the issue from the point of view of dry statistics. Passion, love, fire in the eyes and languid sighs - all this passes over time. And there are quite “mundane” factors that influence the strength of a relationship - for example, the age difference between partners. Let's talk to experts about whether there is an ideal age interval that guarantees a strong, harmonious relationship between a man and a woman.
In most families, the man is 3 years older than the woman. This trend is observed in all countries of the world. And this is easy to explain - subconsciously a person is looking for an “equal” both in social status and in intellectual development. And here age plays a big role - life experience is gained, wisdom comes, and the worldview changes.
With each subsequent marriage, a man looks for a younger wife. “Grey hair is a devil in the rib” - the saying clearly works. With age, there is a desire to see a “fresher” woman next to you.
But believe me, those unions where one of the partners is much older or younger than his chosen one are not uncommon today. What will you think about if you see such a couple - an over-aged man and a young girl? Of course, the first thing that comes to mind is that an “unequal” marriage has no prospects, because it is built only on mercantile interests. And the statistics are inexorable - unions where the age difference is too great break up much more often than those where the age of the spouses is not so noticeable. But love is love - there are pleasant exceptions!
Ideal formula: is there an optimal age difference?
Psychologists believe that the optimal age difference between a man and a woman to create a strong family is 5-6 years. At the same time, the situation when the spouse is older is considered a “classic” marriage.
A difference of 5-6 years is ideal in terms of the psycho-emotional development of spouses. It turns out that he and she are on the same level - both have already gained life experience, have relationships behind them, their decision to start a family has been well thought out, and they have the financial resources. All this is at least some kind of guarantee of a long-term relationship. Sociological studies show that such couples have more children.
Chinese sages developed their formula for an acceptable age difference between spouses. We take a calculator in our hands. The ideal bride is selected according to the following mathematical calculations - the man’s age is divided by 2, and 7 is added to the result. For example, if a man is 30 years old, then his chosen one should be 22 years old. Please note that with such calculations it turns out that the older the man, the younger his “ideal” woman. East is a delicate matter.
Marriages between peers are a classic during the Soviet era. No wonder - in those years it was considered “correct” for everyone to be equal, and the slightest deviations from the “norms” caused criticism among others. The outstanding difference between a man and a woman was not welcomed - neither in personal nor in social life. That is why the age of the spouses was approximately the same - this was customary.
Marriages between peers are usually early marriages. More often, young people meet each other in high school or college, and then decide to start a family. “Equal” unions have a lot of advantages: common interests and friends, similar lifestyles and life values. It turns out that he and she are carrying the baggage of family life on equal terms and at equal speed.
But spouses of the same age cannot do without problems - they can quickly get tired of each other. If the marriage is early, problems will certainly arise due to lack of finances. The couple does not have a more experienced partner who is ready to extinguish the storms in the relationship - and this threatens with rash actions, squabbles, and betrayals.
Statistics show that in families where spouses are the same age, infidelity occurs more often - especially if the marriage was concluded too early. There are several reasons - one of the partners is looking for support and consolation on the side, as well as banal curiosity due to insufficient sexual experience.
A man older than his life partner is a classic love relationship. But it’s one thing when the difference is not very noticeable (3-5 years), and quite another thing when the misalliance is striking.
Mature men looking for young wives are quite understandable. She is not burdened with children, which reduces the “financial investment” in family life. She does not have a wealth of experience in sexual relationships - you can try yourself in the role of a “teacher”. And it’s more pleasant to hug a young body. But men do not always pursue “mercantile goals” - nevertheless, love often wins.
For 10-15 years
Society is tolerant of marriages where the husband is 10-15 years older than his wife - stereotypes no longer reign. And the relationship can be quite strong!
The man has already managed to build a career and does not depend on the opinions of his friends and relatives in relation to his personal life. He approaches creating a family responsibly - without unnecessary emotions, with an understanding of female psychology, without stupid mistakes. In a couple with such an age difference, there are few quarrels - the spouse has experience in relationships, he is tolerant of the shortcomings of the other half and is able to resolve conflicts that arise without unnecessary losses. The woman in the couple is also quite happy - the chosen one fully supports her, there is a material basis for self-development, and “mature” pleasure in bed.
For 20 years or more
Several centuries ago, the situation when girls were married to someone old enough to be her father was the norm. Now this only causes condemnation from society. Only when looking at such a couple does the thought immediately arise that this is a calculation. Well, how can a young lady live with an elderly man? What kind of love is this?
In fact, such a union can be “convenient” for both her and him - the woman admires an experienced partner who knows life, and the man enjoys the cheerful laughter and, as if fueled by her energy, tries on the role of a guardian.
But here it is important to understand that some 10-15 years of marriage - and a man with light gray hair at the temples will turn into an old man. And the spouse will still be in full bloom - there is a risk of betrayal. A girl should give up her dreams of 3-4 children in a family - the years take their toll, and with the lifestyle of many men, the chances of conceiving decrease. And it’s not just a matter of physiology - by the age of 40, a man probably already has children from previous marriages. Should he put a few more children on his elderly shoulders?
Scientists have concluded that marriages with such a large age difference can shorten the lives of both spouses. And all because of the stress that a man and a woman experience - after all, they live among people's gossip and gossip, public condemnation. And this negatively affects your health! On the other hand, a man living with a young wife suddenly begins to look younger - it’s as if he is “drinking away” her youth. But a woman, on the contrary, quickly fades - subconsciously she tries to match the age of her chosen one.
It has always been believed that having an older woman in a couple is abnormal. Even now, in times of free morals, this often causes condemnation from society. And in vain - statistics show that such marriages are quite strong.
If a woman is 5-7 years older than her chosen one, such a difference is almost imperceptible - especially when both partners are over 30 years old. The couple can be called ideal - the spouses walk hand in hand along the path of family life. The woman is somewhat wiser, she has experience - she gently guides her husband to great achievements. A strong union! In addition, in order to match her young husband, a woman “gets younger” - she takes care of herself and follows the rules of a healthy lifestyle. Both are happy.
And what challenges does a couple have to overcome if the woman is much older than her chosen one?
For 10 years
Such marriages are rare. And this is easy to explain - most men at any age are looking for partners younger than themselves. There is nothing to be done, this is nature - the “male” proves to himself personally and to the whole world that he is “wow” and can conquer the youngest and sexiest. Aging ladies, of course, do not cause a stir among young guys.
Many couples, where the woman is 10-15 years older than the man, manage to build harmonious love relationships. Some men are quite happy with the role of a follower in a couple - they admire a more mature woman and listen to her advice. And the woman feels needed and loved.
But problems cannot be avoided. The spouse often becomes overly suspicious, jealous and suspicious - there are many young rivals around who can take away the chosen one. No wonder this is causing concern. And with age, it becomes more and more difficult to disguise wrinkles - you can’t get away from nature. Either a man puts up with a woman’s “shortcomings”, loving her immensely, or sooner or later he goes in search of a younger wife.
For 20 years or more
Every woman wants to feel attractive and desired. This is what motivates a lady when she finds a partner much younger than herself. Such a couple is a vivid example of a “mother-son” relationship. The woman takes care of the young man and often provides him financially.
A mature, interesting lady is quite capable of turning a young guy’s head. But such an alliance will obviously not last long - the man, having gained experience (mostly sexual), will soon leave for a woman of the same age. And if a young gentleman lingers in the arms of an aging madam, then, most likely, this is either an Oedipus complex or mercantile interest. Naturally, neither one nor the other will contribute to a happy, strong union.
The optimal age difference between lovers is a very subjective concept. And in each case you can find both advantages and disadvantages. Consider them as a warning about possible problems in the relationship, and not as a clear guide to choosing a partner. Let's not forget about the power of love, which all ages are submissive to!
There is a well-known saying that “all ages are submissive to love.” However, people continue to argue about the influence of partners' age on the strength of relationships. In this article we will tell you about the features of the relationship between a man and a woman, depending on their age, from the point of view of psychologists, numerologists and astrologers.
Psychology
It's no secret that girls develop and mature three to four years faster than boys. As a result, a young man will reach the psychological, emotional and social level of development of an eighteen-year-old girl in three or four years, or even later.
And since the periods of growth and development of a man and a woman are not the same, whatever their mutual attraction, a significant difference in age can lead to the loss of interest in married life by one of the partners. Because of this, mutual claims and conflict situations may arise in the family, which can lead to divorce.
Physiology
As for physiology, intimate relationships undoubtedly become physically possible when a man and woman reach puberty. However, not everyone takes into account that a man’s peak sexual activity occurs between the ages of twenty and twenty-five, while a woman’s sexuality blossoms around the age of thirty. And then everything again comes down to social attitudes and psychological stereotypes, to which is added the decline of reproductive function.
Everyone knows that at a certain age, every woman inevitably experiences hormonal changes, as a result of which her reproductive function fades and she becomes unable to bear a child. This happens around the age of 50. As for men, as a rule, their sexual activity decreases with age. However, the ability to conceive a child does not disappear until a man is very old.
Social component
The following can be said about the social component of a marriage. Traditionally, it was believed that when a man gets married, he should already have a stable source of income that would allow him to fully provide for his family. As a result, men did not strive to get married early, but tried to get on their feet firmly and gain a reliable economic and social basis for starting a family.
The main task of a woman has always been considered to be the birth and upbringing of children, so it was very important for women to get married early. Even today, a woman’s career is often considered a secondary issue. A woman’s first priority is her family and children.
As a rule, in developed countries, women have long been educated, then pursue a career and reach a certain socio-economic level, and only then have children. Therefore, in these countries it is considered normal for a woman to give birth to her first child by the age of thirty. Although, undoubtedly, physiologically this option is far from ideal.
The man is slightly older than the woman
The traditional age difference is when a man is two to three years older than a woman.
Many psychologists believe that this is a consequence solely of upbringing. As we have already said, from childhood men are taught that before starting a serious relationship, they must be able to provide for their family on their own. This often becomes possible only in adulthood.
Girls are told that they should be young and attractive when they get married. And then, while all biological functions are normal, they must give birth to children as quickly as possible. This is probably why no one from the public condemns this type of relationship.
The advantage of such a union is the socio-psychological equality of the partners. As a rule, psychologists note the strength of such unions.
The man is much older than the woman
In recent years, marriages in which the husband is much older than his chosen one have become more frequent. Why is this happening?
An adult man connects his life with a young girl because he likes her admiration for him as an accomplished person and complete submission to him.
According to psychologists, the marriage of a mature man with a woman who is much younger than him is his way of self-affirmation. If a man is much older than a woman, then the question of who is in charge in the family does not even arise. Therefore, there is a danger for a young woman to fall into strong psychological dependence on a man. And if a girl gets married without yet having an education and a good job, then she can become economically dependent. The man feels like a complete master in the family and a very significant figure.
Why do young girls marry mature men? Because of material well-being, connections and opportunities? Quite possible. It may also be that the girl’s choice is based on complexes, and she is looking for a man who can replace her father and take full responsibility for their life together, taking care of his young beloved.
Psychologists note that an experienced and mature man is most often interested in socially immature girls, or girls from single-parent families who were deprived of paternal care and attention.
The prospects for relationships in such an alliance can be completely different. If a young girl does not pretend to be independent and is completely satisfied with her psychological and economic dependence on her husband, then family relationships will be stable. If, however, the sexual needs and temperaments of the partners also coincide, then, despite the difference in age, a family idyll is guaranteed.
However, if a young woman nevertheless grows up, if she develops her own interests and begins to defend her right to independence and her own opinion, then such a union may fall apart.
The birth of a child can stop the process of family breakdown. After all, when a child appears, a man receives another object to care for, and a young woman gets the opportunity to self-actualize.
A man and a woman are the same age
It seems that marriages between peers should be the strongest. A man and a woman are united by common interests, a common circle of friends and approximately the same life experiences. However, not all so simple.
As a rule, in such relationships between a man and a woman, marriage occurs quite early, when the partners are still young and inexperienced. Therefore, spouses usually lack wisdom and flexibility in relationships.
In addition, a discrepancy in sexual interests often affects them. Sexologists say that a woman’s real sensuality awakens only at the age of 30, while for a man this very peak occurs at 21–25 years. It is probably for these reasons that 53% of marriages concluded by young people the same age fall apart.
In addition, some believe that it is men who are married to women the same age who are most often inclined to change their companions during the ill-fated midlife crisis.
As a rule, marriages between peers have every chance of finding harmony if a man and a woman meet at a sufficiently old age, with the necessary life experience and baggage.
Man younger than woman
Recently, marriages where the man is younger than the woman have become perceived by the public quite calmly. Moreover, according to experts, such marriages have many advantages.
For example, sexually, it is easier for a 20-year-old man to get along with a woman who is several years older than him than with someone his own age. After all, as already mentioned, the heyday of female sexuality occurs in the period of 30-45 years. So it turns out that older women are the best suited for young men.
Of course, with age, the importance of sexual relationships for partners will fade into the background. But by this time, the spouses usually have other points of contact that keep them together. After all, people who match not only in bed decide to do something like this.
Such a union can last quite a long time, unless the man suddenly grows up one day or for some reason begins to be burdened by excessive care.
Romantic types also tend to fall in love with mature women. More mature women seem to them to be the embodiment of the feminine ideal. It is precisely such novels that, as a rule, usually drag on for a long time and then successfully develop into marriage.
Women who are capable of seriously captivating men younger than themselves are, as a rule, extraordinary individuals. Next to them, young men themselves mature quite quickly and gain self-confidence. So, psychologically, this relationship can benefit both. Of course, if only a woman is smart enough not to behave with a man like a small child. After all, even though he married an adult woman because he needs a motherly wife, he still won’t tolerate such treatment for long..
If we think sensibly, a person’s psychological age does not always depend on his physical age. In marriage, the most important thing is the psychological atmosphere, and if it is pleasant and filled with positive emotions, then the man and woman will be comfortable and it will be difficult to destroy the couple.
Video: a woman is older than a man
Compatibility of spouses by age: numerology
Numerologists have also joined in determining the optimal age difference between spouses. They proposed a formula for calculating the ideal compatibility of a man and a woman: “husband’s age: 2+7 = wife’s age.” For example, if a man is 38 years old, divide by 2 - it turns out 19, then add 7. We found that 26 years is the age of his ideal wife:
Optimal age difference between spouses: astrology
Astrologers suggest using the ancient Zoroastrian calendar to determine the compatibility of spouses by age. According to him, it does not matter at all which of the spouses is older. The main thing is how much:
- According to this calendar, marriage between peers, although it guarantees a prosperous union and many children, does not always imply personal growth
- A difference of 1 year between partners promises a marriage based on trust and mutual assistance, as well as harmonious joint raising of children.
- Marriages with a difference of 2 years are usually romantic and short-lived. The spouses will face a series of ups and downs, a constant change of violent passion with periods of cooling off.
- A union of spouses with an age difference of 3 years is too emotional and can only withstand trials if one of the partners is able to balance the relationship. But in terms of unleashing the creative potential of spouses, such a marriage is considered an ideal option.
- Marriages with age differences between partners of 6, 9, 12 years are similar to the 3-year difference.
- If the age difference is 4 years, then such a marriage promises complete harmony. This is a marriage-friendship, where a trusting relationship between spouses remains even after a divorce.
- The difference between a man and a woman at 5 and 15 years is beautiful when spouses are united by common affairs and interests
- A marriage with a difference between husband and wife of 7, 8 or 14 years is also considered very stable.
- A difference of 10 years, as a rule, foreshadows a difficult and conflict-ridden marriage, which, however, can stimulate the creativity of lovers of spice in relationships
- An eleven-year marriage in which quarrels and reconciliations alternate is similar.
- In a marriage with a 13-year difference between spouses, according to Zoroastrians, spirituality comes to the fore
- Well, 16 years of age difference, according to the Zoroastrian calendar, is the best union that combines the magic of all lucky numbers
Remember that the love of a man and a woman is not tied to age! Love without regard to age.
To know for sure how suitable you and your partner are for each other, you need to carefully analyze all the ways to determine the compatibility of a man and a woman. We recommend that you read the article
And this is not surprising, because many women are looking for a certain role model for themselves. ELLE decided to figure out what can be expected from a relationship where the partner is 5, 10, 15 and 20 years older than his beloved.
5 years
As most psychologists note, most often women develop much faster than men (this can especially be observed in the last grades of school), so it is not surprising if you do not feel any age difference with your lover. In addition, you will have approximately equal life experience, which will make it easier for you to build a common life.
10 years
Western scientists believe that 10 years is the ideal age difference between lovers, since by this time a man has already gained enough experience not to react to the whims of his other half. Plus, an adult and mature man knows how to make compromises. The woman, in turn, begins to listen to the opinion of her lover, as she recognizes his authority.
15 years
If a woman starts dating a man 15 years older than her, it means that first of all she is looking for stability. In addition, quite often for young girls this is an opportunity to gain invaluable experience that their peers are unlikely to give them. In addition, such a relationship is often built on the “father-daughter” principle, when the girl expects that her lover will take full responsibility for solving all her problems.
20 years
The main problem in relationships where the partners have such a large age difference is the difficulty in finding common interests. Often, by this time a man already wants to settle down and lead a measured lifestyle, while his other half, on the contrary, longs for adventure. It is also quite difficult for them to find friends who will be equally interesting to both him and her. Not to mention the fact that after 50 men experience a decline in sexual activity, while women after 30 experience an increase in interest in
Psychologists, astrologers, and sociologists pay great attention to the institution of family. Particular attention is drawn to the age difference between husband and wife, or the lack thereof. Researchers believe that age differences can significantly affect the future of a family, the formation of relationships, and the duration of those relationships. Is it really?
Modern marriages
It is believed that men have always preferred and prefer younger companions, while women, on the contrary, are looking for more mature and experienced partners with an age difference of many years. In principle, this is the case in most cases. However, as research shows, neither one nor the other would refuse an intimate relationship with a younger partner. In this case, it stops only condemnation from others.
Be that as it may, the verdict of society is this: a man should be, at least not much, older than a woman. Other options for marriages with age differences are perceived as incorrect, and this can apply to both marriages of women with younger men and marriages of women with men more than 10 or 15 years older.
A little history
For those who are at least a little familiar with history or at least read works of fiction, it will not be news that marriages in which the man is older than the woman have almost always been considered traditional. If a man 10-15-20 or more years older came to marry a young girl, this age difference did not cause bewilderment, disgust or condemnation in anyone. On the contrary, it has always been believed that a man should be mature and experienced enough to be able to provide for his family.
By the way, Hippocrates coined the medical term “herocomia,” which means the sexual life of an elderly man with a young girl, as a result of which he absorbs her vital energy and thus becomes rejuvenated. Some religions had a fairly serious attitude towards rejuvenating older men through sexual intercourse with young girls, and especially with virgins. It’s hard to believe, but even some Popes sincerely held such views, so virgins were brought to Rome in an endless stream for the Popes.
In Ancient Greece, similar privileges were granted to fading women. For rich elderly women, young men no older than 14 years old were brought in who had not had a single sexual contact before. It was believed that the boy, as a “cure for old age,” retained its properties for ten days. After ten days the boy was sent home.
All this shows that relationships between a man and a woman with an age difference have always existed, and will always exist, not only because of the above, but also due to a number of other reasons.
Man older than woman
As mentioned above, marriages in which the man is older than the woman are considered classics. However, in post-Soviet countries, an age difference of 15 years is considered not entirely acceptable. There is an explanation for this. In the Soviet Union, it was generally accepted that a man and woman who create a family should be equal in everything - interests, position and, of course, age. Therefore, marriages with an age difference of several years, although not so uncommon, were often viewed with condemnation.
Times have changed, but the views of society have remained almost the same. Of course, relationships have become freer, and marriages in which the man is 15 years older than the woman are concluded quite often. But many people still continue to believe that such an age difference is unacceptable. The main thing here is the relationship between a man and a woman, as well as their attitude towards the opinions of others. If they really have feelings for each other and want to make each other happy, then no one and nothing can stop them from doing this, especially the age difference.
Despite social prejudices, marriages with an age difference of 15 years have many advantages. If a man is 15 years older than a woman, then the woman, as a rule, feels like she is behind a stone wall. Her husband is an accomplished man, with life experience and the ability to provide for his family. A mature man sees the world a little differently; he can teach his young companion a lot.
For a marriage with an age difference of 15 years to be successful, the main thing for a man is not to go too far, not to turn from a husband and partner into a strict dictator, whose opinion is the only correct one and is not subject to discussion.
Woman older than man
For many, marriages with an age difference of 15 years, when the woman is older, cause bewilderment and even condemnation. Some even consider such marriages abnormal. But if you look at it, such a marriage is no different from other marriages if the partners build relationships correctly. In this marriage, a woman can teach a man a lot, helping him become an integral and fulfilled person.
But great responsibility in this type of marriage lies, of course, with the woman. She must be aware that she will have to build relationships and smooth out all the rough edges, since she is older, more experienced and wiser. A woman should also be extremely attentive to her behavior so that, as a result of her actions, her husband does not turn from a wife into a mother who instructs, teaches, and educates. Few men would like this.
Women are very attentive to their appearance and, noticing the first signs of aging, begin to feel very complex about this. Under no circumstances should you show this to your young husband, much less try to make him jealous of younger girls. If he made a choice in your favor, it means he had good reasons for this, and age plays not the first role here.
There are many opinions in everyday life regarding the age difference. Some categorically deny the possibility of “unequal” marriages, while others imagine an ideal married couple in exactly this way. If you remember the old days, that was the only way marriages were concluded - a seventeen-year-old girl and a mature man, if not a grandfather. Our expert, the owner of the marriage agency, matchmaker Galina Karaseva, took on the task of considering the positive and negative aspects of such relationships.
What draws a woman to marry a man who is much older than her?
What draws a woman to marry a man who is much older than her? A friend opened the veil for me, it’s very simple - it’s protection!
Pros of marriage when the age difference is 15 years (the man is older)
1. Protection. Women's primary concern is safety. This is an instinct laid down long ago, which tells us that a family needs a man who can protect. Since the days of life in caves, practically nothing has changed; while the woman gave birth and raised children, the man provided food and security. Now, of course, the state helps women, but is this enough to create a full-fledged family? A man performs the same functions. And only a mature, self-confident and determined spouse can help organize a family nest. This opinion is expressed by a friend of mine who vehemently defends her position.
The famous painting by V. Pukirev “Unequal Marriage”
2. Understanding. They told me quite convincingly a story about how often a woman’s mood changes. Now she wants to go on a picnic to the park, and when all her things are already collected, she wants to go to the cinema. After buying movie tickets, you suddenly get bored with everything and want to sit at home at the computer... Who else can endure all these whims? And the friend’s husband in response only smiles softly and says: “Okay, whatever you say,” and then dutifully fulfills his new whim. Well, isn't this a dream?
3. Status. A man’s status increases with age, he already holds high positions, thinks sensibly, knows how to lead a team, and therefore a family, and earns good money. It is very easy to communicate with him on any topic, he understands everything and, most importantly, knows about everything! A real encyclopedia!
4. Loyalty. According to a friend, there are no scenes of jealousy at all. Her husband tried everything a long time ago and drew conclusions. Such a man will never go “on the side”; he sincerely appreciates what he has and values good relationships.
5. Children. It has already been proven both by time and by scientists that the greater the age difference between a man and a woman, the more intelligent and developed children are born. Statistics say that if the difference is 20 years, then geniuses are born. I can confirm that this is true. My friend’s child is far ahead of his peers in development, calm and balanced. The husband helps in every possible way with upbringing, sometimes he knows more than the girlfriend.
What can you say about the disadvantages?
“There are practically none,” says a friend. “Except that sometimes there are moments when it seems that we are speaking different languages.” In this case, most likely, different methods of education and the level of development in society of a particular generation have an impact.
But in general, my friend claims that complaining is a sin, minor shortcomings are easily smoothed out, and absolutely everything can be solved. She advises everyone to take a closer look at men who are at least 10 years older.
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